THIS IS WHAT SARIA AND I DO AT 9:30PM MY TIME. AWWRRIIITTEE

The Contestants: Bracket 1
PSYCHONAUTS -vs- SMAC NUBS
1. Raz ......... Morgan
2. Sasha ....... Yang
3. Milla ....... Deidre
4. Loboto ...... Zakharov
5. Dogen ....... Cha Dawn
6. Mikhail ..... Marr
7. Gloria ...... Miriam
8. Boyd ........ Domai
9. Fred ........ Aki-Zeta 5
10. Ford ....... Lal
11. Oleander ... Santiago
12. Chloe ...... H'imee
13. Lili ....... Roze
14. G-Men ...... Svensgaard

Results:
1. Raz ......... Morgan - No Explanation is needed. At all.
2. Sasha ....... Yang - They break each other's minds. Also, they rolled around on the floor for 3 hours. Together. I ship it.
3. Milla ....... Deirdre
4. Loboto ...... Zakharov - They become BFFs and do unethical things together
5. Dogen ....... Cha Dawn - Dogen would have never gotten his hat off
6. Mikhail ..... Marr - Mikhail wrestles Marr and Marr loses
7. Gloria ...... Miriam
8. Boyd ........ Domai - Boyd is the milkman
9. Fred ........ Aki-Zeta 5
10. Ford ....... Lal
11. Oleander ... Santiago - she crushes his skull between her massive thighs
12. Chloe ...... H'minee - Arm wrestling, H'minee wins, they become BFF
13. Lili ....... Roze
14. G-Men..-ish ...... Svensgaard - The Gmen all dress up as pirates and join Svensgaard's crew but they backstack him but then Svensgaard discovers them and they get raped.


The Contestants: Bracket 2
Raz ....... Dead corpses of Yang and Sasha
Milla ....... Zakharov and Loboto
Cha Dawn ....... Mikhail
Miriam ....... Boyd
Aki ....... Ford
Santiago ....... H'minee
Lili ....... Svensgaard and the Gmen

Results:
Raz ....... Dead corpses of Yang and Sasha - ... They're dead corpses
Milla ....... Zakharov and Loboto - Loboto uses his pepper to get Milla's brain then Zakharov places her brain into a Clinical Immortality chamber and forces her listen to Tav and Saria talk on Skype for all of Eternity
Cha Dawn ....... Mikhail
Miriam ....... Boyd - Miriam convinces Boyd to come work for her to burn heathens
Aki ....... Ford - He's the Milkman
Santiago ....... H'minee - She crushes Santiago between her even more massive thighs
Lili ....... Svensgaard and the Gmen - She realizes that she can't burn Svensgaard cuz he's liek ... on the water... so she drowns him.


The Contestants: Bracket 3
Raz ....... Zakharov and Loboto
Mikhail ....... Miriam and Boyd
Ford ....... H'ime
Lili ....... Chloe (H'imee brought her back, yo.)

Results
Raz ....... Zakharov and Loboto - Zakharov rips off his shirt because he is sweating because he is old. Raz sees shirtless Zakharov and his eyes burst out of their sockets and hit his goggles because he's wearing them and causes an influx of pure psychic power that kills Zakharov and Loboto
Mikhail ....... Miriam and Boyd - Mikhail uses his deadly nelson. Mikhail realizes that Miriam is another Russian's enemy and kills her.
Ford ....... H'ime - She uses her Progenitor powers on Ford
Lili ....... Chloe


The Contestants: Bracket 4
Raz vs Mikhail
Lili vs H'ime

The Results
Raz ....... Mikhail - They highfive and go back to Raz's house and Mikhail wrestles the elephant 'cause Raz's house is a circus... so Raz won.
Lili ....... H'ime - Lili and H'ime have a fashion showdown and Lili wins.

Suddenly, Sid Meier POPS OUT OF NOOOWHHERREE and so does Tim Freakin' Shafer! Brian Reynolds sits in a corner and cries because really Sid Meier had nothing to do with SMAC. Then Shafer sees Reynolds and then he goes, "Hey you're awesome" and then Brian goes, "Oh I am" so they frolic off into the distance to make SMAC2 and Phsycoanuts 2 and then they use the profits to fund Creatures 4.

Ultimate Winner: Saria

But really, Lili won.